Monday, August 1, 2011

I thought about cheating today

Sermon alert.  I do not know what got into me today but I did not have a funny bone in my body writing todays post.  Seemed like an important topic though...

OK I didn't, I mean have you seen my wife?  but if I was to think about cheating today, who would it be with?  What would they be like?  The truth is we are all vulnerable to cheating the only question is under which circumstances.  The first step in avoiding cheating is to know when you are vulnerable.  Start with the simple things, what would they look like, their hair, their physique, how tall, do they have a tattoo that gets you hot, how do they dress...  Then think about what they would do that would pull you in, would they laugh at your jokes, show you compassion, listen to you, really listen to you, focus intensely on you and not be distracted by anything or anyone else, what is it you need?  Then think about where, would it have to be out of town?  Are you a state line exclusion rule or a date line exclusion rule person?  Would you have to be drunk, how drunk or would there have to be drugs involved?  Is it OK in your bed at home or your shower, maybe the closet or would you get a hotel?  If they are perfect would you have the discipline to use birth control?  What if they are on the pill or have had a vasectomy?  Would you require a condom then?  What would the sex be like?  Would it be crazy, passionate, slow, fast, dirty, masochistic, what aren't you getting at home?  Think about every little detail.
Now, and this is most important, think about how long the whole thing would last.  If you want to know how long, 7 minutes (OK that link is funny, so one funny bone).  Keep that in the front of your mind.

How about money?  What would you do for it?  Would you let your spouse have sex with someone for a million dollars?  How much would it have to be, 100k, 1mil, 100mil, to embezzle, or hold up a bank, or sell guns on the black market, deal drugs, be a porn actor, murder your neighbors spouse?  What about little things like selling someone your term paper, how much would that take?  Or selling pictures of your roommate taken while they were asleep or engaged with their partner?  What is your price, you know you have one its just a question of $.  Don't be holier than tho and say you have no price and be honest with yourself because lying puts you at risk.  Understand the amount, know your point of vulnerability, knowing what the attack will be is a huge advantage to surviving the attack.

But again, most importantly, think about how long the money will last, what you will do with it and keep that in the front of your mind.

How important are drinking/drugs to your life?  Are you willing to let them become central to your life socially and perhaps even professionally?  Would you drink with your friends every night if it got you the cool/rich friends?  Would you take drugs to enhance your performance at work either by sleeping less or surviving too much drinking with your friends?  What will make you vulnerable to addiction?  What will it take to push you over the edge?  Will it only take a stretch of high stress at work so that you start having a drink every night after work, and then 2, then 3, then just make it a double scotch on the rocks?  What about happy pills, will you take those to save your marriage?  Perhaps make it easier to deal with the boredom of your home life?  Drugs and drinking are the worst, they do not present themselves in a big bang like the others, they insidiously creep into your life a little bit every day.  There is that voice inside saying 1 more does not make you an addict when you are already drinking 3 glasses a night.  As with the others, understand your weakness that knowledge is your only defense.

How long will the high last?  What do you really get for it?  Really understand the benefits of drinking and drugs and keep those front of mind too.

Remember what happened to John Bobbit? 

Now ask yourself if you are willing to pay the actual costs of these temptations:
  • Are you willing to get divorced to have sex with this person?  More than likely right after orgasm you will feel like shit but now it is too late.  You think you can cheat and not get caught and feel good about it?  You can't that is a myth.

  • Are you willing to go to jail and give up your family and friends?  How will it feel to be looking over your shoulder every day wondering if that guy is following you because you are the prime suspect?  You think you can commit the perfect crime?  You can't that is a myth

  • Are you willing to commit suicide?  Because that is what addiction is and if it does not kill you it will most certainly ruin your life.  You think you can be a functioning addict?  You can't that is a myth.

All the world's suffering is caused by improper wanting
When you look around yourself, do you see all the suffering?  I don't mean the people starving all over the world, I mean the people you see everyday.  The unhappiness, the downtrodden, the dejected?  You know who I am talking about, the people who are unhappy with their lives, they are looking for something more?  These people are all suffering because they want something that will make them feel good but they do not want to pay the price.  You will be forever unhappy if you try and separate the costs from the benefits.  Wanting to sepparate the cheating from the divorce just makes you miserable.  Wanting to be paid like a VP without having to do the work of the VP.  They cannot be sepparted, that's how the world works.

This is really it, forget all that righteous, sermon crap above and think about it like this.  When you think you want something, job, partner, education, whatever, have you thought about the costs and are you willing to pay those costs?  I cannot tell you how many times I have had an employee come to me and say I want to be promoted and when I give them the list of what they have to do they say great I'll get right on that and then never do it.  They don't really want to get promoted they just want to get paid more.

This is all part of the meaning of life, define your vision of the world and then live into that vision.  To do that you are going to have to embrace the costs and stop fantasizing about the benefits.  Only then will you attain what you want and be truly happy.

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